KZBlog

Kazakhstan aims to position itself as a bridge between East and West, seeing it’s geographic position as a unique political and economic advantage. However the nation may have to admit that its neighbor to the south, while poorer is much more significantly placed to influence the world economy and geopolitics. According to SWECO, a Swedish consulting firm, Kyrgyzstan is the best location for Santa Claus to live in. If he begins and ends his trip delivering toys to every boy and girl in the world from the mountains in Kyrgyzstan that border Kazakhstan, he will be able to complete his yearly mission in a more time-efficient manner than anywhere else in the world. From that location, Santa Claus (or Father Christmas or Ded Moroz) can reach every house in the world in 48 hours, with an average speed of only 13 000 000 miles per hour (21 666 667 kilometers per hour), which independent sources indicate is approximately the speed of Christmas magic.

Should Santa Claus move his factory to the northern area of Kyrgyzstan, employment would likely increase by 500% in the country wiping out unemployment entirely and tax income would likely sustain the government indefinitely. The Minister of Industry and Trade of Kazakhstan denies claims that they are in negotiations with Santa Claus offering tax breaks, access to security forces and a new town to house his workers if he choses to locate his factory on the Kazakh side of the border. Santa Claus was unavailable for comment.

Moreover, southern factions in Kyrgyzstan claim that SWECO received compensation to distort their figures and that the authoritative report indicates that in fact Osh is the ideal spot for Santa’s workshop.

SWECO carried out this study as a marketing stunt to highlight their use of GIS and abilities at route planning.