KZBlog

The scene: a government agency which gives grants for innovation projects.

A man, middle-aged, dressed in a bright yellow velvet suit, enters the reception area for the head of the agency. The secretary asks him who he is.
He answers, “An individual person.(физическое лицо)”
“OK then, how shall I announce you?”
“Not in any way.”

The head of the agency at this point steps out of his office, making introductions unnecessary.
He invites him into his office and asks what he wants.
“I have a brother-in-law in Leningrad (Note that this scene is taking place in the present day). He has written a letter.”

The head looks over the letter. The author claims to be the greatest scientist in the world in the area of laser technology, who sells his research to the US and other Western European countries because they are behind him. But he has no patents because he does it all for the love of the GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD, HIS MOTHERLAND, THE HIGHLY LOVED AND HONORED REPUBLIC OF KAZAKHSTAN.

“So, what do you want?”
“Money!” the man says, slightly surprised that this was not understood.
“OK, what for? What will you spend the money on? How much money? What is he working on now? What will be the result of the research? Where will he try to market it? We need a detailed budget and a plan before we can give any money.”
“Result? Market?” The man becomes upset and snatches the letter out of his hand, since clearly his brother-in-law’s genius is lost on this hapless bureacrat. “Here, look at MY letter.”

This letter is about electrical power. Because there is a crisis with electricity supply in Kazakhstan, they need to switch the power-plant in Kyzylorda from gas to coal power. The rest of the letter is just sentences without connection to each other, as if the author opened a dictionary of electrical power terminology and threw words and terms in to make it sound good.

“OK,” the head of the agency says, sighing deeply as he repeats himself, “I need to see some numbers, I need to see how much money you need and what you will spend it on. And what is the result?”
“Result?”
“Well, how will coal-power solve the crisis?”
“How should I know? I’m not a scientist!”
“Who are you?”
“I work in a music studio in Almaty.”
“Wait, so you don’t have a company of your own? And scientists? You will need accountants and lawyers too, to manage our money.”
“How can I hire people without money?”
“How can we give you money if you don’t have anything? Who will do the research?”
“I will hire a company in Tartarstan.”
“OK, with Kazakhstan government money. So what do you need money for?”
“I need to go to Thailand and research their experience. Then to come back and to apply it.”
“And how much money do you need?”
“About 8 or 10 … thousand dollars.”
“And you have spoken to the Kyzylorda power station? They are ready to buy your research or to switch to coal?”
“Oh no, I don’t think they would ever agree. But they won’t talk to me. I tried but they are run by a bigger company which is run by Samruk, which is run by the Administration. I get lost!”
“You know, Samruk has its headquarters nearby. You can go see them.”
“Oh really? Where are they? I will go right after I talk to you! But will you contact my brother-in-law?”
“Well, he is welcome to come anytime and talk to us. If he writes a detailed proposal we will look it over.”
“How can he come? He is in Leningrad! You get in touch with him. Or if you can’t, you can get in touch with me!”

The man leaves. The head of the agency buzzes his secretary: “Make a file, call it ‘blacklist’ and put this guy’s name, contacts, photo if you have one! in it. If he calls, I am on a business trip, I am talking to the Prime Minister.”

This is a true story. Names and some details changed to protect the innocent. I leave you, dear reader, to draw your own conclusions.